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Because it had been too long, the suffering too great, the pain too continuous for it to last any longer than it had to. This was the opportunity he had been searching for, the point of no return, the fight-or-flight challenge, the go-for-broke proposition that teetered on the universal cliff that was either all life or all death. And Charlie wanted to live, damn it. He wanted to live, and he would grab the first woman he could find at Artie’s party, and this time without the hesitation or the crippling paralysis that analysis brought. He would carry her off into his life, just so long as he could make it up the confounded stairs to his apartment, and then to his bed where she would relieve all of his pains for just one more day. They would live in the cocoon of their love until a pair of glorious butterflies emerged.Saturday came quickly, because for the first time since his childhood he had something to look forward to. He remembered, as a child, he had looked forward to a trip to. I really am pissed-up and upright erect on my toes. And I have to find a way to not let everything clear and revealed to him. What certainly do I have to carry out? The look and expression in his eyes ... it is tender and soft and gentle and mild; obviously and unquestionably mild! Damn it! Being emotional and feeling-moved here won't certainly or definitely solve anything at all. No, it surely and precisely won't."Are you okay?" He asks passionately and sympathetically. Crap! How am I supposed to respond to that?"I am fine," I state and declare to him with a lenient and obliging smile, doing my very best to repress those hurting and aching tears that I can feel collecting and pooling up in my eyes. Here we are! At long and final last, gawping and smiling at each other quietly and soundlessly. Yeah! At least we are going somewhere ... somewhere where I can catch and ensnare him up. Duh!"How about a glass of wine?" He queries me curiously and with deep, keen, apparently enthusiastic.
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